The Big Test

Here in Illinois, every public school student in grades 3 through 8 takes the Illinois Standards Achievement Test. The goal of the ISAT is to ensure minimum mastery and safeguard against any child being left behind. If the majority of the students in a given school perform poorly, the state will step in and issue mandates for improvement. The favored first action is to lengthen the school day.

I've never read the teacher contract for our district, but apparently there is much riding on successful performance on these tests. All they have done in third grade for the past 6 weeks is prepare for the ISAT. The teachers lecture on how important these exams are and how the students need to be prepared and do their very best. Students were told that the tests were scary but they would be ready. Who uses the word "scary" with third graders? So, at the end of January, I placed a call to our third grade teacher to discuss Ellen's new found anxiety. I was told that she was taking the speeches too much to heart. That the students who felt this way were not the ones who needed to be addressed.

During the past month, math and reading have been increasingly put on hold in lieu of practice for "The Big Test." That is actually what they call it. They have taken teaching to the test to a whole new level. All they have been doing is either old tests or some form of practice that involves shading the correct bubble completely with a No. 2 pencil. For the record, their reading curriculum utilizes this format exclusively on their weekly tests.

So now it is early March and the test is next week. We've been explaining to Ellen that she is smart and that these tests measure minimum knowledge and she would have performed well on the third grade test last year. All she needs to do is try her best and she will be fine. We've explained that Andy, Drew and I all like taking these tests because they are easy and you can finally work at your own pace and take a 20 minute nap when you complete each section.

To get the students psyched for the test, they learn cheers. They are allowed to wear slippers in class the week of the test. The school provides snacks this week. Additionally, they are fed bubble gum and apple juice before each section. And at the completion of the week, they are given a make your own sundae party. Never underestimate the power of feeding our 8 year olds crap. Oh, and Mom and Dad need to send a letter of encouragement for the first morning. They practically scripted it for us and provided paper and envelope.

So, now that they are all crazed, I mean ready, for The Big Test, the school counselor has been brought in to teach relaxation techniques to be used during said test. Apparently, they do see the monster that they have created. But I doubt that they realize that the school is responsible. They suggested little physical exercises, eating lots of protein and have gone so far as to tell them when to go to bed the night before the test. And boy are they displeased that we turn the clocks the night before all this.

Imagine if they had practiced a few times with new material and actually learned. And what if the teachers just told them how smart they were and that this test will quantify their intelligence? Perhaps they might even exceed expectations because they know how to learn and apply their knowledge. Kind of like our old district, where Drew and the third grade performed just fine on the TestOfNewYorkStateStandards, without all the hoopla.

IllinoisSucksAtTesting