The Family Bully
Today my 2 year old took out a 5 year old. The boy he went after is at least 60 pounds and well over four feet tall. I've been mulling over the F=MA equation and I can only figure that the victim played the role of nice guy.
Tim is frequently the recipient of bigger equals stronger at home. So he has learned that if you want something, including someone's attention, that you need to be physically in their space.
This morning we were at the playground with a bunch of neighborhood kids and they were on the slide. It had a large landing with monkey bars connected, meaning open platform. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Craig falling. He landed on his feet, more or less, and was fine but it is scary to fall backwards from 48" off the ground.
Tim them came over to me looking concerned. I assured him that the boy was OK. Then Megan came to tell me that Tim pushed him. We went over to the boy and his mom and Craig was saying that Tim pushed him. Everyone kind of questions the size differential but I have no doubt that my kid was wrong and he did push this boy. I then realized that Tim's look was guilt.
The only thing that I can figure is that Tim pushed Craig then Craig stepped back to get out of his way and inadvertently went over the edge. I'm confident that this was unprovoked. Tim refused to apologize. I hate when my kids do that. I can't make them speak. In the past when my kids have refused to apologize, they were required to write an apology. At two years old, this isn't an option. So we went home since Tim couldn't play nicely. I'm not really sure that he gets the punishments because our group was breaking up before the incident. So I'm thinking of getting Tim to help me bake cookies or do something nice for Craig then walk them over and perhaps coax a "sorry" from him.
While Tim was clearly wrong and I don't make excuses for his lousy behavior, I do think that birth order has it's effects. He is accustomed to asserting himself physically at home. I try to correct this behavior, but many times I don't know that it is happening. So from his perspective, I'm inconsistent. Looks like we may need more rules for everyone in our house.
Tim is frequently the recipient of bigger equals stronger at home. So he has learned that if you want something, including someone's attention, that you need to be physically in their space.
This morning we were at the playground with a bunch of neighborhood kids and they were on the slide. It had a large landing with monkey bars connected, meaning open platform. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Craig falling. He landed on his feet, more or less, and was fine but it is scary to fall backwards from 48" off the ground.
Tim them came over to me looking concerned. I assured him that the boy was OK. Then Megan came to tell me that Tim pushed him. We went over to the boy and his mom and Craig was saying that Tim pushed him. Everyone kind of questions the size differential but I have no doubt that my kid was wrong and he did push this boy. I then realized that Tim's look was guilt.
The only thing that I can figure is that Tim pushed Craig then Craig stepped back to get out of his way and inadvertently went over the edge. I'm confident that this was unprovoked. Tim refused to apologize. I hate when my kids do that. I can't make them speak. In the past when my kids have refused to apologize, they were required to write an apology. At two years old, this isn't an option. So we went home since Tim couldn't play nicely. I'm not really sure that he gets the punishments because our group was breaking up before the incident. So I'm thinking of getting Tim to help me bake cookies or do something nice for Craig then walk them over and perhaps coax a "sorry" from him.
While Tim was clearly wrong and I don't make excuses for his lousy behavior, I do think that birth order has it's effects. He is accustomed to asserting himself physically at home. I try to correct this behavior, but many times I don't know that it is happening. So from his perspective, I'm inconsistent. Looks like we may need more rules for everyone in our house.
posted by metamom at Wednesday, March 28, 2007
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